It’s a curious time of year. Christmas, a religious season of anticipation, joy, and gratitude, is more competition than contemplation. The approaching new year brings with it the pressure to do more, do better, do it! As if the expiration date for what matters in our lives is racing forward and the possibilities will end by next December 31. Add to this end of year performance evaluations at work. Was your year enough? Did you measure up? All around us are various measurements. Number of gifts. Number of accomplishments. Number of year-end bonuses. All generating a feeling of how do I compare, and what more needs to be done? Enough is not in the picture.

In a conversation this week, I asked “what if you approached it from a lens of curiosity rather than comparison?” And, as is often the case, I realized the question was as much for me as it was for them.

Curiosity… a strong desire to know or learn something. Rather than get sucked in the holiday frenzy of do more in a prove-it culture where action is rewarded with more doing—what if we got curious and explored it all instead?

We could investigate how we feel buying all the gifts. After all, baby Jesus got three.

We could determine what traditions serve us now, and which to retire.

We could reflect on the joys, growth, and gaps in this year. Soak in the fullness of our life now before we jump into next.

We could search within ourselves and determine what emotions we wanted more of in 2024, rather than the stuff. Delight? Serinity? Awe? Wonder? Enthusiastic? Focused? Grateful? Bold? Jovial? Strong? Tolerant?  

We could check on our energy at the end of each workday. Was the depletion worth it? What charged us up? Is it sustainable? What do we want more of, regardless of if it’s on the corporate score card?

We could connect with our relationships. Who do you miss? Who makes you glow? Who can you help? Who can you let go?

We could get curious about ourselves… about what we feel… about why we do what we do… about our beliefs… about out potential… about our fears… about our pain… about our secrets… about our joys… about the baggage we carry… about what we’re ready to release… about what makes our soul sing… about what matters, not compared against the seasonal scorecard, but against the core of who we are and how we want to be.

Curious?

This week I spoke with a potential Board member for Living Vicky, of which I’m the Board of Director’s Chairperson. In our discussion, she asked, “What drew you to this mission (free career mentoring for women in the U.S.)?” It was the first time someone asked me that question in the two years I’ve been actively involved with the non-profit… and my answer rushed out of me like carbonated water after a bounce and the cap removed.

“I grew up hearing about the legacy of women in my family.”

I went on to explain how my parents and extended family shared wonderful stories of the impact the women in my family. From their careers and cooking to community service and church. They used their voice, their gifts, their pies, their stubbornness, their hearts, their business savvy, their network, and their faith to make the lives of those around them better.

Of my paternal grandmother, I love the story of how she strong-armed the local dentists to provide free services to children in her class at school who needed help but could not afford it. No, was not an answer she accepted. My maternal grandmother chose to be a youth advisor in the church as she aged to stay connected to the next generation. She also took homemade pies to anyone for any reason, good or bad. Then there were the memories of the 14 Reynolds sisters and their brother who vacationed at Myrtle Beach in a block of beach front houses that inspired my family’s annual beach vacation, or stories of their trips together around the world.

Core to every story was connection and community. Someone was always helping someone. They also didn’t wait for permission to act. Boldness, within a Southern exterior, ran through my female ancestor’s veins.

But these stories were not the singular cause of my call to mentor and advocate for women. They were compounded by the relentless support of my parents to claim and take my space in this world, however I was called to do so. I never felt the sentiment that I was a girl and had restrictions because of it. Rather it was the opposite… that I had female superpowers like my mom, grandmothers, aunts, and others in my family. I was destined to build on their legacy and tap into their essence that ran through my veins.

Compounding this were the tangential women in my life. Spunky female teachers (Ms. Moye, Mrs. Elder, Mrs. Foster Gearing, Mrs. Edwards), Sunday School teachers (Ms. Gentry, Ms. Smith, Ms. Welborn). Bosses (Ms. Stolov, COL Scotka). Volunteers (Ms. Adler, Ms. Berry, Ms. Leecy, Ms. Hashim). So many friends too. All of whom reinforced my legacy. From the standards they set, the conversation they shared, the wisdom they offered, the feedback they gave, the contacts they provided, and the encouragement they showered on me. The connection and community of boldness reinforced throughout my journey by so many women had to be paid back, or rather paid forward.

I lived into my legacy in a variety of ways. Some public and some personal. From the roles I took and the relationships I cultivated to the causes I supported and conversations I had – each time laying a brick for others to step on and upward from. Living into my legacy with intention includes:

• Graduation from Mary Baldwin, a then women’s college
• Presidency of the Junior League of Northern Virginia, a women’s leadership development organization
• Session member at Westminster Presbyterian Church
• Practice lead at Grant Thornton with an all-female leadership team of which 50% were minorities
• Board Member of Child and Family Network Centers
• Host of “Fire & Wonder,” a group of female executives I connected together
• Speaking at the Young Professionals Network at Guidehouse
• Mentor, ally, and advocate for those with different origin stories than mine

The older I get the more grateful I am for what I now see as my origin story and the legacy I strive to live into and build upon. I also know how lucky I am to have a positive origin story as it’s easier for me to walk my path due to a foundation of empowerment.

I also appreciate that I know that it’s a story that I have the power to change at any time. The women in my legacy made it clear that there are many paths, and I am the only person who can set mine. It’s with this knowledge that I strive to help other women reclaim their origin story or redefine their legacy.

I encourage folks to understand your origin…. claim what you want…. discard what doesn’t serve you…. and define the legacy you want to leave on your own terms. What formed your core internal story? What plays in your head from your childhood or past that is no longer true? What is the origin story of the you that is now? What is your legacy? How will you live into it?

After all, it is your own story to tell.

I graduated from Mary Baldwin College, a small, liberal arts women’s college in the hilly Shenandoah Valley in Staunton, VA. That school, and the experiences, education, and friends that accompanied it, shaped me in every way – for which I’ll be eternally grateful. This past weekend, I once again stood on top of the hill. Looking out and within. Any time I’m on that hill, I feel grounded to the best version of me… my feet planted, connected to the roots of the legacy of women before and after me. There is a power current there that I immediately tap into.

The visit this weekend brought additional energy, that of my 30th class reunion. Here is what I took away from the weekend…

• EMBRACE YOUR EXPERIENCES:  At first, my 30th reunion made me feel old, but I since realized that each decade, year, and moment of growth deserved a celebration … 30 years of a life well lived deserved gratitude for a place that transformed me
• CLING TO FOLKS WHO “GET” YOU:  Friends who fully embrace you – your talents, your short comings, your fears, your goals, your quicks – are life altering magical unicorns you should spend as much time with as possible; the laugher alone is worth it
• OUR IMAGINATIONS ARE NOT BIG ENOUGH FOR OUR POTENTIAL: My 21-year-old self could not envision all that lay ahead, it was too big for the container I put myself in … it’s important to get friendly with being uncomfortable in order to grow, and to surround yourself with folks who think big(ger) for you and with you
• FUNCTIONAL FITNESS EQUALS FUN:  The Mary Baldwin University campus is on a massive hill that is literally covered with steps, and being able to easily go up/down multiple times a day made sure I didn’t miss any of the fun events or show up sweaty and panting
• SILLINESS IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL: Just do the thing. Be present and give it all a try. You’ll laugh about it either way
• EVERYONE IS AN ARTIST: This could be my liberal arts bias coming out, but 1.5 hours in a class painting resulted in 20 unique and equally fantastic paintings, and calmer people (pick up those crayons, your inner 5-year-old will thank you)
• GIVE BACK: From mentoring, time, or money – everyone can give to help make their community better
• VACATION MEANS TO NOT WORK: Take the time off to play, fully offline – it’s good for your soul

Finally, I reconfirmed my belief that WOMEN’S COLLEGE ALUMNEA ARE THE BEST. We are connected by a golden thread comprised of a passion for learning, thoughtful encouragement, passionate leadership, a collaborative spirit, and the ability to inject fun into anything. 

Go Fighting Squirrels!

Brene Brown shared the concept to “paint done” as a manager or leader. This means not just saying make X by Y date, but rather paint a clear picture of what success looks like for the work and at a minimum what is required to be in the finished product. Another way of looking at this concept is her phrase, “clear is kind; unclear in unkind.”

Recently, I began to apply that concept to my life, and especially my career thanks to my work with Coach Maddie. She helped me understand and use the tool of manifestation. While I knew the term, I didn’t connect to it. It’s creating a clear picture of how you want things to be in your life. You can “paint done” for your life with a thoughtful written statement, through a vision board of pictures, or with a vivid mental picture. Being clear on what you want, how you’ll feel, what you leave behind shifts your brain – “painting done” for your life enables your brain to start to work on solving for it and helps you take action to get it. And yes, action is required.

Working with Maddie I created a future state – what I would see, have, experience next in my life. It was a simple paragraph comprised of short sentences a kindergartner would write. It mentioned work, relationships, and emotions – a 360 of me. I read it before and after bed, to end and start my day. Easy peasy. Then eerie, cool, and specific things took shape that clearly connected to my vision. So many in 10 days that I began to write them all down to help process it all. It was quickly clear to me that reality starts with intentions from your heart and ideas in your head. Thinking put energy into motion. Wild! 

To help me continue to paint done with my life, I pulled together questions from books, trainings, and conversations to help me build a robust image: 

• What is your tennis ball? What do you repeatedly chase after with joy?
• What would fully doing this look like?
• What impact do you want to have in/on the world?
• What do most people come to you for?
• What would you like to stop doing?
• When do you feel powerful?
• How would you like to be seen or acknowledged?
• Where do you feel passionate, free, or energized?
• What do you want?
• What are you ready / not ready to change?
• Imagine your issue is resolved, how did you get there?
• What’s the easy way forward from here?
• What emotion do you want more of in your life?
• When you look around who is with you?
• What haven’t you admitted out loud yet?
• Who do you have to be?
• Imagine it’s already done, tell me about it?
• What do you notice about your body?
• I’m allowing myself _______________.
• Describe a day of success.
• What’s in my way?
• How will others feel after they engage with you and your brand?
• Who are your partners?
• List 6 things that would be on your calendar in the future that would excite you?
• If you don’t, what would be missing in the world?

What I find most exciting as I envision my future defined through carefully selected words, images, and desired emotions, is that I own it. And, because I created it, I can change it. I can try my vision on, see how it fits, identify what’s missing, and modify something. It can evolve as I do.

I look forward to seeing what you think of next.

At the time, I wasn’t sure why I did it. The idea just popped in my head. A few clicks and it was done. I posted a new Facebook profile picture of me at about 6 years old. A classic school photo that somehow captured possibility.

Each time I opened the app, that possibility – my possibility – greeted me with a pure smile. It was like looking in a mirror seeing something I’d forgotten and wanted to know again. A mix of “bright-eyed and bushy tailed,” giddiness, and fierceness. A grounded purity fueled by boundless energy, love, and curiosity. There was a welcoming openness on my face that gave me peace and cause a smile.

It wasn’t until I chatted with friend and mindfulness mentor Cole Baker-Bagwell that I made the connection. I mentioned what I did – laughing at the silliness of it. Her response, “That’s it, that’s mindfulness!” felt like a gong going off in my soul. A long, “hmmmmmmm.”

She helped me understand the connection between a thought that emerged, my attention to it, and its impact on me. That by being in the moment I could embrace what I called out for at an emotional, intuitive level. That that space between quirky idea and action is the space of mindfulness, and as I think about it, magic. Though she’s quick to explain how it’s more biology than magic. That this is the result of neural pathways in action – the connection of science and soul.

When I put the photo up I set it for 2 weeks… I’m now back to my adult identity. I happy to share though that I feel like a lost piece of me is back. Being face to face with Emily version 1.0 was refreshing. Both grounding and empowering. While I reconnected to possibility, I also basked in my accomplishments, most of which would have been too big for that little girl to imagine. From where I started to where I am – I can now more clearly see my path of serendipity. A path lined with golden acorns… love, education, intuition, work, lessons learned, joy, missteps, friendship, trepidation, and faith.

Now, reconnected with my travel buddy, I’m eager for what lies ahead on my path and excited to live up to her boldness. Now, I have to rethink what’s possible.

Hmmmmmmmm.

It might be blasphemy, but after 20 years in change, with most of it spent supporting multi-billion-dollar federal transformations, I challenge the notion of the traditional organization change framework of “people, process, and technology.” While the simplicity is appealing, it’s missing a key element: perception.

Perception is the lens through which everyone experiences change. Each person’s lens generates habit-based thinking, behaviors, and limitations. A person’s perception is typically so baked into a person that they cannot tell you what it is or how it differs from others – it just is. They can’t help but see through their lens. The impact of their perception can show up as optimism, control, trust, funding constraints, political maneuvers, collaboration, fear, transparency, enthusiasm, or bias. And because a person’s perception is so ingrained, it’s a challenge for them to see its influence (good or bad) on how they approach, respond to, or lead change.

Individual perceptions influence decision making, emotional responses, and actions, which impact an organization transformation at all levels from the sponsor and change champions to the governance members and system users. Perceptions of anyone touching the design, development, and deployment of the change can help or hinder the initiative’s success. That includes the change leadership team comprised of the Change Sponsor, Change Champions, Change Governance Board, and Program Management Team.

With unchecked perspectives, change leaders operate with a blind spot – much like a vulnerable quarterback who doesn’t see the pending sack barreling their way. To help members of the change leadership team account for their perceptions, I recommend the inclusion of a Change Coach on the change management team. Someone with both change management and executive coaching certifications.

A Change Coach can help change leaders understand, address, or reframe perceptions that negatively impact both the person’s and the initiative’s success. A Change Coach offers an objective lens as they are not delivering the change. A Change Coach is not aligned to the change, but rather to the people leading it; their success is the change’s success. A Change Coach understands a change ecosystem, key functions, and core deliverables – and can help change leaders navigate them more effectively.

Recently, the International Coaching Federation and the Association of Change Management Professionals created a partnership to “explore the numerous synergies between change management and coach,” starting with a coach for the change sponsor, or executive in charge.

To me, leaders who work with a Change Coach should expect confidential one-on-one sessions in which they identify an issue (e.g., concern, challenge, opportunity, relationship), explore key factors, set goals with associated actions, and reflect on progress and outcomes. Plus, personal work between sessions. Work with a Change Coach centers on outcomes and accountability – the same as a well-managed organization transformation. According to the International Coaching Federation, “leaders who participated in coaching saw a 50-70% increase in work performance, time management, and team effectiveness.” All of which improve the likely success of change, whether it’s a targeted optimization or large-scale transformation.

I recommend the Change Coach be embedded in the change program management office (C-PMO) – at the heart of the transformation – with the charge to help leadership process the change and how they show up in it. A Change Coach can support the PMO director, a contracted project manager, the change sponsor, or department lead.

A few components of this new model to think about:

• Access:  It’s important that staff perceive access to a Change Coach as a benefit, so provide education about coaching to help folks fully utilize the resource. You’ll also need a structure or tool for how to “book” time with the coach and how much time is available so that the coach is available regularly for the broad leadership team.
• Confidentiality:  Whether you have an in-house Change Coach or they are part of the contract team, the work this person done is private. You can work with the individual to determine how to obtain themes and/or recommendations based on their work to inform future initiatives. Just be sure those who use the coach are clear if/how the coach shares content.
• Assessments:  It needs to be clear that the organization sees using the Change Coach as a positive on a person’s annual review as it indicates a commitment to the transformation, personal growth, and team development.

Having a Change Coach work with change leaders keeps an essential element of change – the people leading it – on a reflective, productive, and supported path which serves them, their team, and the organization now and for changes to come.

So, there I was hanging out at the beach on vacation when I learned that Guidehouse purchased the company I work for. Ooof!

A year ago, my mind would have swirled incessantly … a hodge podge of questions … on replay. What I now know is rumination. It’s like burrowing down a dark hole of nonproductive “what if’s” that accentuate your fears, anxieties, and vulnerabilities. Over and over and over and over and over again. Hellish.

Now, not so much. The difference? Mindfulness, or rather meditation. I completed Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (or as my brother calls it “the raisin class” due to a class activity to meditate on a raisin with your 5 senses). I used an app for a daily meditation before bed. I found my favorite practice (Loving Kindness). I discovered my favorite anchor (holding my hands). I got certified as a mindfulness facilitator. I read about mindfulness and got a mindfulness mentor. I joined a weekly meditation community that starts this fall. I signed up for a mindful leader summit to learn how global organizations embed mindfulness within their company.

I still feel like an awkward newbie. My mind still wanders throughout every single meditation. While I feel better after, it stills feels a bit like a chore, a have to verse a want to. It’s work.

But I continue because in moments like your company being sold, I can feel the benefit. I’m not tangled up in concerns. I’m calmer – almost detached – and able to separate some from the uncertainty. I’m able to be in the present with my team — address things in the now rather than be consumed by the unknown. I don’t feel the tension in my body like I use to. Do I have concerns? Of course! Starting with a new firm always brings doubts and concerns. But now they are more balanced rather than a big stomach knot.

Yet, I continue to feel my meditation nemesis sneaking around, waiting for the opportunity to pounce and mess with my vibe. Oh, the damn expectations!  

I thought it would be like…

I thought the company would…

I thought it would have…

I thought leadership would…

I thought my team would…

I thought s/he/they would…

I thought I would be like…

I thought it would feel like…

You see, I continue to struggle to keep my expectations out of it. I expect actions. I expect responses. I expect interactions. I expect a vision built in my head. And with each expectation, needless disappointment follows close by.

The expectations whisper and stir up emotions. Emotions that derail me from being in the moment. Emotions that cause a less than ideal response. Emotions that cloud thinking. Emotions that drain.

But I continue my mindfulness habit because as Jonathan Lockwood Huie said, “a wonderful gift may not be wrapped as you expect.”