Golden acorn

Tonight, Plant Leadership Acorns

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Tonight, I shared my leadership advantage with participants in my Leadership Brand masterclass. Three advantages to be specific. A retired colonel. An entrepreneur and community advocate. A non-profit executive. Women who mentored me throughout my career. While I knew their stories, I’d never dedicated time to truly talk about leadership–let alone have them talk together. It was a bit like an episode of “This is Your Life,” the leadership edition.

Before tonight, I learned through their words backed by action. I learned through their direct, thoughtful feedback. I learned through choices. I learned through the opportunities they shared with me. I learned through what they tolerated and didn’t. I learned through their successes. I learned through their hard questions. I learned through their support.

Tonight, I continued to learn. Here are few of their “golden acorns” on leadership that really hit home:

  • “Make hard decisions.”
  • “Know yourself. Not just today but who you want to be. If you know who you want to be you can create a plan and take action to get there.”
  • In terms of how to prioritize personal / professional goals… “always check in with your values.”
  • “Never say can’t.”
  • “Collaborate”
  • “You decide your attitude at any minute in any situation.”
  • “Don’t let anyone decide for you.”
  • “Look for opportunities in any situation and take them!”
  • In terms of how to handle mess-ups… “acknowledge them, learn from them, and move on.”
  • “Be true to who you are.”
  • “Speak up”
  • “Use humor, make friends, and have fun!”
  • “Welcome a risk”

Tonight, I reconfirmed my commitment of time with emerging leaders. Time to get to know them personally. Time to listen to their bold goals. Time to amplify their impact and advocate for them. Time to share my network. Time to brainstorm. Time to laugh. Time to commiserate. Time to cheerlead. Time to pour into them how other leaders poured into me.

Tonight, I ask you to join me and plant your leadership acorns in others–and invest in the emerging leaders around you.

April 2022 Quote – “In a World that Wants You to Whisper, Yell!”

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As I set up my calendar for the month, I select a quote I’ve found that speaks to me. I write it in my planner and leave space below it to capture phrases I hear or read that speak to me and relate to the quote. I found this practice centers me for the month, and helps me be more present in my conversations, meetings, and readings. For April 2022 quote was “In a world that wants you to whisper, yell!”

An odd thing happened this month… no quotes appeared. I was well into the third week of April and nothing. A blank page below my anchor quote. I was concerned. Had I not been fully present in conversations? Had I not really tuned in to my audible books? Had I been so self-absorbed or on auto pilot that I missed out? But then, as if my quote for the month came to life … I heard the universe yell. I guess I had missed the whispers.

A friend posted the following piece by Irish poet and philospher John O’Donohue. It filled not only my page, but me.

“At any time you can ask yourself:

At which threshold am I now standing?

At this time in my life, what am I leaving?

Where am I about to enter?

What is preventing me from crossing my next threshold?

A threshold is not a simple boundary; it is a frontier that divides two different territories, rhythms, and atmospheres.

Indeed, it is a lonely testimony to the fullness and integrity of an experience or a state of life that it intensifies toward the end into a real frontier that cannot be crossed without the heart being passionately engaged and woken up.

At this threshold a great complexity of emotion comes alive:  confusion, fear, excitement, sadness, hope.

This is one of the reasons such vital crossings were always colored in ritual.

It is wise in your own life to be able to recognize and acknowledge the key thresholds:  to take your time; to feel all the varieties of presence that accrue there; to listen inward with complete attention until you hear the inner voice calling you forward.

The time has come to cross.”

Thinking about my blank page, quoteless, I now realize I was simply standing at a threshold. Still. Perhaps blocking things out. Perhaps recharging my courage. Perhaps hiding. All was muffled before I took my direction. I was isolated so it took a huge quote to reach me – a universal yell.

Then quickly thereafter, I began to see and hear quotes again, such as:

  • It’s time to get back to you.
  • How can I trust when I have so much doubt?
  • Cook by the spirit.
  • Good friction.
  • The after is the before for the next during
  • Walk into your freedom.
  • Go where the energy is.
  • Let God blow your mind.
  • Don’t be bound by the residue of your past.
  • Run on and see what the ends going to be.
  • Give light and people will find the way.
  • Thank God I don’t look like what I’ve been through.
  • If nothing changes, nothing changes.
  • My soul woke up and I realized I was enough.
  • You give power to what you focus on.
  • Take a soul wander in the sunshine.

As for my standing at a threshold, I’ll share stillness was essential. The quietness helped me process the old and prepare for the new. The silence let the distractions fall away, both well intentioned wishes and naysayers. It also put me in a holding pattern, stagnant. But as if the universe knew I’d been alone with myself long enough, she sent one more message.

On the last day of the month, I spoke with a friend and former coworker. It was a meeting that had been booked over a month earlier. She asked me one simple question. One that caused the fog to lift and the threshold to appear.  What do you love?

Open book on a stack of books

March 2022 Quote – “A Word After a Word after a Word is Power”

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As I set up my calendar for the month, I select a quote I’ve found that speaks to me. I write it in my planner and leave space below it to capture phrases I hear or read that speak to me and relate to the quote. I found this practice centers me for the month, and helps me be more present in my conversations, meetings, and readings. The quote for March was “A word after a word after a word is power.”

While I cannot recall how this month’s quote by Margaret Atwood found me, there was an immediate connection. I’ve always been connected to words. Mom’s bedtime stories. “Where the Sidewalk Ends.” Journals that date back to elementary school. “Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret.” Dad’s sermons. “Angel’s and other Strangers.” High school newsletter editor. “Cold Sassy Tree.” Forensics team (with a fight song!). “Les Misérables.” Communications major. “Cat’s Eye.” TV news producer. “Thorn Birds.” Speechwriter. “Storyteller.” Facilitator. “The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse.” Organization branding. “The Outpost.” Digital story telling. “How to Lead When You Don’t Know Where You’re Going.” Corporate leadership. “My Own Devices.” Non-profit board work. “The Book of Awakening.” Executive coaching. For me, words – written, spoken, or sung – matter. Words contain phenomenal power to educate, inspire, and change. Equally so, words can cut quickly and sear in lasting pain.   

Throughout March I collected several phrases that held power for me:

  • We can be with this
  • Nurturing the soul of business
  • The limits of my language are the limits of my world
  • Practice is everything
  • I felt the ground and took my place
  • The Willy Wonka shit-tunnel ride
  • A teacher affects eternity
  • Being relational
  • No Miss America answers
  • Good news of the soul
  • Life begins at the end of your comfort zone
  • Be curious not judgmental
  • Unconscious gingham
  • Take space and make space
  • I am
  • You’re going to turn into a novice over and over and over again
  • Offer humanity
  • Kindness is a way we live out grace in the world
  • Choice point
  • Be the love you feel now
  • Happy accident
  • A lesson in impermanence
  • The culmination of being
  • Boredom is your imagination calling
  • We’re all made of strength and struggle
  • Stop chasing squirrels
  • They wanted to bury us, but they didn’t know we were seeds

March is often a hard month for me… finding the energy to move out of winter. To shake off my slothiness. To push out of the dirt like a daffodil. Then, there was the literal emerging back into life as COVID restrictions changed—balancing my physical and mental health of in-person vs. remote. And then came war where words of disbelief, protest, and prayer didn’t seem to hold power against air strikes.

What helped nurture me back were the words of my community. A very loud, “Hello Emily!” when I walked into the small church chapel at 8:30am on a Sunday morning. The candid “girl chat” I had with a favorite co-worker when no one else joined the scheduled call. The insightful, silly, empowering, slow conversation with a co-worker turned bestie over several hours while consuming cheese, veggies, and dark chocolate. The “go great!” company e-card from a co-worker during our Spirit Week conveying appreciation of my allyship. The safe space a company leader provided when he set up time to connect on my career and spent 75% of the meeting listening. The positive reinforcement I got from my class “learning buddy” as I build my aptitude for meditation. The “woo woo” conversation I had with a co-worker as we left work deliverables behind and focused on life beyond consulting. The funny texted memes that always popped in at the perfect moment from friend and family.

As I think about all these and other words, I recall two suggestions for meaningful leadership that I recently read. First, one author starts every day with a personalized thank you email to someone in his company. Second, another author suggested color coding your calendar to track how often and how much time you spend connecting, supporting, or advocating for people in your organization (or life).

The words people shared with me in March made a difference. They encouraged me. They reinforced good behavior. They got me teary eyed. They motivated me. They comforted me. They made me laugh. They helped me. Their words were power.

How are you using your words in the world?

Emily and Bruce Reyes-Chow

Book Reviews March 2022

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Recent books I read and listened to… happy reading!

In Defense of Kindness (Why It Matters, How It Changes Our Lives, and How It Can Save the World) by Bruce Reyes-Chow

It seemed like the perfect book to kick off February, the month of love. While this is a secular book, my church, Westminster Presbyterian, chose it for its annual “desert and dialogue” event in which Bruce came and spoke. It’s always enjoyable to hear from the author firsthand. This book – or revolution manifesto – is so needed in our world now. Kindness is more than a gesture, but rather how we see, experience, and engage others. As Bruce writes, “To be kind is to accept that each person is a created and complex human being—and to treat them as if you believe this to be true.” This book covers being kind to those around us and ourselves, as well as provides everyday scenarios and how to bring more kindness to each experience, group, and organization. I carry with me from this book and his discussion the following quote, “Kindness is a way we live out grace in the world.”

Permission to be Human (The Conscious Leader’s Guide to Creating a Value-Driven Culture) by Mary Beth Hyland

I’m grateful Erica Beard recommended this informative and practical book which I read on my back porch in one day drinking hot tea under a blanket in early March rejuvenating my introvert. I liked reading the book outside with the birds chirping in the background and the first colors of spring around me. Values are both personal and organic – so being in nature thinking about how to determine and reinforce values seemed fitting. I think this book is a great read for new managers, change management consultants, executives in a new organization, or a leadership team because it clearly explains corporate culture; offers a clear, doable approach to identify an organization’s values; and shares leadership actions to help reinforce those values personally. The book includes a section on how mindfulness/meditation fit into leadership values to help a person be aware of their state inside the cultural system. Mary Beth provides a helpful section on boundaries, writing, “We often give our power over to what other people want from us instead of setting boundaries that help us ensure that we’re not constantly in a state of feeling overwhelmed.” This is also a helpful read for organization’s thinking about the “next normal” of a hybrid work structure and what values and corresponding behaviors are needed to support it

Will by Will Smith

I spent a good chunk of February walking each morning with Will Smith as his audible book is 16 hours long. I was surprised by this book in terms of how Will snuck so much into it. Not just from his amazing story from childhood trauma to the first rap Grammy ever and onto Oscar nominations, but the nuggets of perspective and wisdom. It was a casual listen with some big laughs. Listening to it was like hanging out with a long-time friend sharing stories over a few drinks. Some stories you reminisced together (thinking about his music with DJ Jazzy Jeff and show The Fresh Prince of Bel Air) and others were new from a more private vault that connected you more closely.

Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown

It’s hard to process all that is going on in the world, let alone talk about how it feels. In this book, Brene defines and explains 87 of the emotions and experiences that define what it means to be human. While she did a good job bringing the book and its content to life as the narrator, I recommend this as a tradition book read so you can really take the time to pause and reflect on each of the 87 definitions and what they mean to you. There is a lot of helpful, heavy, and provoking content to process.

What books do you recommend?

Another Resignation, 6 Questions for Leaders and Staff to Make the Most of It

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Last night as I cooked dinner, I sent a text to a co-worker. I was brief and to the point. First an avatar of my face with the mouth covered by black tape with “&$!#%” on it. Then, the comment “I heard your news.” His response was quick:  “Emily!” with a crying emoji face. What followed was a quick exchange of appreciation and encouragement with an employee who’d just given notice. I wanted him to know (1) I’d miss him, (2) that I was excited for his next career adventure, and (3) he could reach out to me any time in the future.

During my career, I’ve seen people and organizations respond oddly when someone resigns. I’ve never understood it. Career growth is a good thing—and inevitable. As a leader your purpose is to build technical experts, proficient managers, compassionate teammates, and bold dreamers who are empowered to step into their full potential. You should want folks to “leave the nest” as it means you helped shape the next generation of servant leaders. (But that doesn’t lessen the pain when a great employee leaves.)

When folks on my team resign – either for another position in the firm or to another organization – I set aside time to discuss the transition, as well as get feedback. Here are the key components of the conversation:

  1. What habits served you well that you want to keep? I think it’s important to help the person see the gifts and talents they take with them, then figure out how not to lose their magic in a new organization, role, or culture.
  2. What do you want to make sure you leave behind and how will you do that? Starting a new job is a great time to explore your boundaries and bad habits. Knowing what you want to change or prevent from reoccurring, and having a plan in place before your onboarding to breaking the cycle of things like calendar chaos, being over extended, not using 100% of your vacation, or doing things you outgrew.
  3. What will you do to rebuild your reputation? You are not a known entity at a new company. You must prove yourself, your skills, your value, your camaraderie, your creativity, all over to everyone. You must, however, take the time to understand the environment (culture) in which to do this. What served you well in your past organization could hinder you in another. I encourage you to patiently spend time learning the organization, its people, and how it operates—the spoken and unspoken rules. Then slowly step into things and let your light shine. Think 3-way light bulb revealing more and more of your talents over time, rather than all out disco ball on day one.
  4. What do you want to get out of this next experience? I think it’s important to be clear on not just why you left but what you want to get from the next job. Experience leading people? Financial management? Learn a new skill? Go deeper in your area of expertise? Work with a type of client? Start an initiative? Public speaking opportunities? What will improve you… stretch you… build on what you have so you’re ready for the next jump? The phrase I use is, “be selfish in how you use the job to get what you want and need – and do it in a way that also serves the businesses’ goals.”
  5. What do you need to succeed?  I believe the philosophical equivalent to this question is the statement “know thy self.” Any place you move to doesn’t know you and generally provides tools / approaches that work for the masses of employees. You need to know and advocate for what you need personally, from reasonable accommodations to how you engage with your supervisor (e.g., weekly touch base, being on-camera, debrief after major projects).  Set clear boundaries from the beginning. Don’t make folks demonstrate their lack of mind reading skills.
  6. How can you improve and better support the people on your new team? It’s important to take a moment to be self-reflective. Consider the framework:  Dazzle / Dang It. Under “Dazzle,” write down when and how you dazzled your teammates with your best self. This is not about “one-upsmanship” or having the spotlight but how you genuinely supported a person in your team. How did you help them grow, get to the next table, own the spotlight, move closer to a goal? Under the “Dang It” header, list missed opportunities for allyship, advocacy, and assistant of co-workers—and what you might do differently in the future.

I then ask for feedback of my performance, asking questions like: How can I improve? What could I do differently to support their replacement? What did I do that drove them crazy? What should I keep doing that was helpful?

In closing, I stress that I’m now a permanent part of their career journey. A long-term resource for venting, moral support, advice, or celebration. It’s important folks understand that a resignation is not an end, but rather the extension of a network of like-minded leaders. Leaders eager to help one another throughout career adventures—and couldn’t we all use a bit more of that?

Goldfish with shark fine with caption to be brave

February 2022 Quote – “You’ll Have To Do It Afraid”

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As I set up my calendar for the month, I select a quote I’ve found that speaks to me. I write it in my planner and leave space below it to capture phrases I hear or read that speak to me and relate to the quote. I found this practice centers me for the month, and helps me be more present in my conversations, meetings, and readings. For February 2022, the quote was “Sometimes the fear won’t go away, so you’ll have to do it afraid.”

When folks ask what I do for a living, I often reply with a smile, “I get people to do things with words and pictures.” Technically, I help leaders, managers, and organizations communicate what is changing and why through storytelling, visuals, and data. My work centers on helping people in the change move from awareness and understanding to adoption and advocacy—bringing the change into being. The irony of my work is that I’m what most would call a last adopter. I joke that I give all my change energy to my clients and have none left for me. Truth is though, I love my comfort zone. I relish my habits. I like the safety of routine.

As I started February, my mind swirled with thoughts of change. Some I sought. Some thrust upon me. Throughout this reflective month I collected several phrases over the 28 days of February:

  • Embrace the messiness
  • Set your goal. Find your grit. Make your pearl.
  • You are a blessed piece of spirit dust
  • The only way out is through
  • Be authentic, bold, and vulnerable
  • Let down. Let go. The world will carry you.
  • Your wounded sight
  • Collide against illusion
  • If I can perceive things in a different way, I can experience things in a different way
  • At the core, we’re all whole
  • Turn to curiosity
  • The freshness of living
  • This is the God in you, bow to it
  • Be aware
  • It’s impossible to be unhappy when you’re grateful
  • Please take care of yourself at all times
  • You and now are a unique occurrence
  • Human changemaker
  • The energy of thanks
  • Get the hell out, no one is coming to save you
  • Be known for the excellence that you are
  • Move the damn rock
  • Wait for the freshness of the beginning to greet you
  • Look for reasons to say yes

Here I am on the other side of the month, as well as the other side of change. Were any of the changes monumental? No. As a change specialist, I know it’s the compilation of many small changes that make the difference and are sustainable over time. For me the change was more about how I showed up in order affect the change I want in the world. So, I stepped forward with my fear.

In an effort to help women in the work force tackle their fears and build their leadership skills and executive presence, I created a 6-week master class. Alone, I loved the class I designed and was eager to share it, but fear curbed my momentum. It delayed me from sharing the opportunity with my network. My own inner whisper of doubt gave me pause. Then I saw the phrases “human changemaker” and “turn to curiosity” and realized that if I was hesitant with 25+ years of professional and leadership experience – how might young 25-year-olds feel? How might they be held back? I could help. I quickly emailed an invitation before fear gripped me again and 10 women accepted!  We start in March.

In an effort to be more mindful and present in a slew of Teams calls each day, I began meditation the end of 2021 with the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) class. It was hard. I didn’t like it. I thought I wasn’t good at it. I didn’t sustain the practice. My resistance to change was strong and prevented me from taking the time to learn something new. I was “should-ing” all over myself. “You should do this daily.” “You should stop complaining.” “You should be able to quiet your mind.” “You should forget about this goal.” Then I saw the phrases, “wait for the freshness of the beginning to greet you” and “embrace the messiness” and I headed back to class to begin again. This time leaving my fear of failure – that I’d never be able to “get it” and sit quietly inside my head – behind. Excited to share, three weeks in, I led my first 10 minute “awareness of breath” meditation to the class and got rave reviews. I took advantage of that boost of confidence before any fear could sneak in and invited several coworkers to a meditation session I’ll lead in March – half accepted! By April, I’ll be a certified mindfulness facilitator in the workplace.

In an effort to build a sense of belonging at work, I’ve focused on how to be a better ally and advocate for DEI&A (diversity, equity, inclusion, and accessibility) by reading, getting a mentor, and hosting “brave conversation coffee chats.” When I facilitated a work meeting recently, someone asked the group why use the word belonging rather than employee engagement. I waited and waited and waited for someone to explain. As a facilitator I held back for someone in the room to respond. Silence. Then I realized my heart was pounding in double time. I was going to have to speak up. I could feel my fear. Fear of overstepping. Fear of explaining it wrong. Fear how I’d be perceived. And then I noted the phrase, “If I can perceive things in a different way, I can experience things in a different way” and I spoke up. I shared several of the stories I’d been told that affected how I perceived belonging. “If I belong, I can wear my hair naturally without judgement. If I belong, I can talk about my partner without concern. If I belong, I can speak freely without having to code switch to fit in.” When I stopped, someone said, “oh that makes sense” and then an African American woman confirmed, “What Emily said is true.” If I’d listened to my fear and remained silent, education might not have occurred. Perceptions might not have changed. I would not have been the ally I seek to be.

What I realized this month is that whenever I stepped into the fear there were supporters there to help me. I never had to overcome fear alone. The power of fear is that it keeps us isolated. Moving into fear brings you closer to a community of encouragement.

What’s your next fear-slaying move? Your support team is waiting.

Emily hold JLNV pendant necklace

Legacy of Leadership

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Just out of college and my boss, John Cabot Ishon, said he’d pay for me to join a professional association… as long as it was the Junior League. While I knew of “the League” – the movers and shakers in my hometown with a huge blue disk keychain with a big white JLHR embossed on it – they didn’t feel like my folks. While I had my perceptions of them, I couldn’t deny the impact they had on the community and the fun they looked doing it. While I accepted his offer with hesitation, I am forever grateful for his foresight of how this organization would impact my life as a leader through a safe place to learn, opportunity to grow, and supportive life-long friends. 

If you’re not familiar with the League, it’s a global organization with community chapters. The women’s only program “promotes voluntarism, develops the potential of women, and improves the community through the effective action and leadership of trained volunteers. Basically, the organization cultivates female leaders through formal training, information mentoring, and community service. 

I joined. Reluctantly. I showed up. Watched from the outside. Not fully committing. Then I moved. Transferred membership to the Junior League of Northern Virginia, JLNV. I showed up. Watched from the outside. Then, someone literally asked me to the table. Invited me to sit with her. Thirteen years later, I became President during the organization’s 50th anniversary year. (The picture here is of me wearing my “JL” presidential pendant necklace that I wear as a leadership talisman, confidence booster, and source of pride.)

My presidential theme was “Legacy of Leadership.” I was carrying on my mom’s and grandmother’s legacy as community leaders through the League. The members were building their legacy as leaders trying new things and sharing lessons learned with other members. Sustaining members (those retired from active membership) were building the League’s legacy of leadership serving on other organization’s boards. The League was celebrating 50 years of developing women leaders – quite the legacy. 

I think it’s important for every leader to take measure of and reflect on their legacy. To me, leadership is not about the person, the title, or the accolades. A true leadership legacy is about service to others. Here are way you can explore your legacy:

Time

  • How much of your calendar is spent in service to others on your team and in your organization?
  • How many one-on-one meetings do you have to understand someone’s personal goals, skills, and concerns?
  • How do you make time to grow through courses, books, podcasts, or mentorship?

People

  • What have you done to build others up? 
  • How did you help others to shine?
  • How do you elevate teammates who are younger, older, less experienced, first generation, another race/gender/ethnicity/economic status? 
  • How did you amplify rare voices at the table or advocate to get others to the table? 
  • Who did you rave about and endorse to other leaders? 

Actions

  • How have you shared your knowledge?
  • How often did you say “I don’t know,” “I was wrong,” or “I’m sorry”? 
  • When do you give meaningful feedback?
  • How often to you ask for and apply feedback?
  • When was the last time you rolled up your sleeves and work side-by-side with other levels of people on your project?
  • How often do you let go of something so others can have the experience and limelight? 
  • When did you openly share your hardships rather than make it all look easy?

Joy

  • Do your words and actions demonstrate joy of leadership – not that it’s not without hardship and frustration, but on the whole are you a happy leader?
  • Do you have candid discussions with peer leaders about what sparks their joy?
  • Do you listen to emerging leaders and support their personal style of leadership that generates joy?

To me, a leadership legacy is built through intention, reflection, and action. It’s not just about your reputation or brand as a leader but in the strength of the leaders you help grow. Leadership legacy is a generational effort. Your efforts now to be an authentic, servant leader affects generations to come. Each person you give voice to, knowledge to, confidence to, feedback to, support to, opportunity to, spotlight to, and listen to can more quickly step into their full potential as a leader. And, then pass that gift on to others. Now that’s a legacy to invest in. 

January 2022 Quote – “But She Was Brave”

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As I set up my calendar for the month, I select a quote I’ve found that speaks to me. I write it in my planner and leave space below it to capture phrases I hear or read that speak to me and relate to the quote. I found this practice centers me for the month, and helps me be more present in my conversations, meetings, and readings. For January 2022, the quote was “She was never quite ready. But she was brave. And the universe listens to brave.”

Several years ago, I provided change communications and speech writing support to retired Brigadier General Alison Hickey when she was Under Secretary of the Veterans Benefits Administration. At the start of each year, she’d personally write a moving email to her full staff of thousands about her word for the year. She put much thought into her word. She went into detail about why that word spoke to her. The chosen word set her intention for the year. Then, at the end of each year she’d send another email about how the word showed up over the past 12 months and what she learned from it. I was impressed by her openness and in awe of her public accountability on such a personal thing – how her year went in terms of her intention. It’s with her tradition in mind that I chose this quote on bravery to start the new year.

Some of the phrases I collected over the 31 days of January include:

  • The wakefulness of the spirit
  • The friction of being visible
  • Spread your joy
  • In a moment of ego we refuse to put down what we carry in order to open the door
  • Never hide your green hair, people can see it anyway
  • Being in a constant erosion of what is not essential
  • Pause
  • The electricity of giving
  • The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet
  • There are no wrong turns, only unexpected paths
  • Trailblazer
  • Honor what you do not understand
  • Cultivate stillness
  • We often try on other skins rather than understand and care for our own
  • The awakening and freeing of what has been asleep
  • Enable and encourage
  • Extraordinary is waiting quietly beneath the skin of all that is ordinary
  • Dance, in all its forms, is theology lived
  • Kindness has power if we not only believe in it but also live it into being
  • So, what will you do today, knowing that you are one of the rarest forms of life to ever walk the Earth?

Having lived with this quote for a month, I saw brave in a new context. Historically, brave felt like a word for “the big stuff.” Like being brave when I learned about the tumor I had the size of a rugby ball. Like being brave when I stood over my mom watching her have a heart attack as I called 911. Like starting this blog—moving from ghost writing to putting my own words out into the world for acceptance or rejection.

What I’ve come to realize is that brave isn’t just the “big things” but it’s part of our everyday actions. Advocating for a minority voice in a meeting. Volunteering for a role you’ve never done. Asking a question in a large room filled with people. Starting a new job. Letting your hair go gray or wearing it natural. Learning a new language. Taking a new route to work. Trying a new hobby. Picking up an apple rather than chocolate to improve your health. Admitting you made a mistake. Seeking a second opinion. Leaving a relationship. Asking for help. Saying no. Saying yes.

Each time we step forward to honor ourselves and others that’s brave. Each brave step puts change in motion. And one change ripples into more and more and more change. Each small act of bravery builds your bravery muscle, and also helps grow it in others.

To me, bravery is a connector because you cannot be brave without exposing yourself to others. And it’s that exposure – that vulnerability – that truly makes meaningful change. When I emailed my client this week that I was the one who made the mistake in the content he reviewed, that act of bravery opened a connection around our love of grammar. When I accepted my trainer’s offer to use heavier weights, that act of bravery to move from 18 to 26 pounds gave me confidence in my body and a sense of power. When I told a group of coworkers that I’m white and can easily miss issues at work and need their help to be a better advocate, that act of bravery resulted in someone taking me aside to offer a great idea that I acted on.

Bravery is not in the big, but in the being. So, here’s to a year of more being:  being open, being adventurous, being honest, being silly, being empathetic, being present, being kind, being trustworthy, being friendly. Here’s to bravely being you.

January 2022 Book Reviews

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I kicked off the new year with several good reads…

Leading When You Don’t Know Where You’re Going by Susan Beaumont

This book made it on my Christmas gift list due to my brother, Rev. Dr. Philip Oehler, Senior’s, recommendation. This book focuses on “leading in a liminal season”—a time of ambiguity that occurs during a transition from something that has ended before the “new” has been defined and is in place. As Susan wrote, “The liminal period can be an incredibly freeing season in which old structures are released, new identities and possibilities are explored, and power is reassigned.” This book is a must read for leaders who seek a way to “be with” and “work through” the disruption of COVID or need a framework to think through “what next” for an organization. To one change management expert I work with, I described the book as “faith-based change management” as it centers on the process of discernment and uses church-based case studies. It’s been a long time since I marked up a book so much.

Unprotected by Billy Porter

I think the best way to embrace diversity is through people’s personal stories. Understanding how someone experienced the world – or overcame it – helps me see our commonalities and realize how I can do better to support those with backgrounds that are different from mine. I enjoyed this as an audible book as Billy narrated his own story. His voice made his experiences feel more personal. Billy openly speaks on poverty, racism, molestation, bankruptcy, AIDS epidemic, trauma, homophobia, and Broadway throughout his award-winning career earning a Tony, Grammy, and Emmy.

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski, PhD and Amelia Nagoski, DMA

I found this book so helpful that I selected it for the Women’s Leadership Book Club at Grant Thornton for our first quarter read. I picked it up through a strong endorsement by Lee Kelly – former coworker, Army retiree, and military community advocate. I found all her book recommendations over the years to be on point. The twin sisters alternate reading chapters in the Audible version which adds a more personal tone as they share realizations based on scientific data and personal experience. While there are many helpful nuggets, I found their explanation of the “stress cycle” extremely helpful – especially sustained stress, what I does to our body, and doable actions to end it. I appreciated having simple solutions that didn’t add more stress to my life to complete.

Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner

In my experience, graduates of women’s colleges support each other. We have a universal immediate bond. In a chat with Diana Ludwick, a Bryn Mawr grad and coworker, we discussed our current reading list in which she pointed out this book by Bryn Mawr grad Michelle Zauner. The author and singer in Japanese Breakfast, shares her personal story about her relationships with her mother, her Korean identity through food, and being a caregiver during her mother’s battle against cancer. I found several touchpoints in this book due to how central my mother’s southern cooking is to our relationship and family heritage—not to mention my time as a caregiver with my mother following her heart surgery. A poignant read about the complexity of identity, mother/daughter bonds, following dreams, and death.

What do you recommend I add to my reading list?

Dannielle

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For those so inclined, prayer request…

This week my friend Dannielle Brown could use your prayers as she wrestles this week with the one-year anniversary of her 21-year old son’s death; a death with a multitude of unanswered questions.  I ask that you each pray or pause for 40 seconds in recognition of his football number at Duquesne University.

God,

From the hundreds of people packed into the stadium church at his funeral we saw the impact of your joy through Jamal. It’s clear he grew up in a faith-filled family and made witness to you on a daily basis. His early, tragic and mysterious death makes the loss more devastating.  

As his family faces the rawness of loss this week, along with his birthday, give them comfort through the legacy of his life. Help them see the ripple effect of his strength, kindness, humor and compassion.  

For his mother, continue to shore up her faith … 40 seconds to 40 minutes to 40 days at a time. Help her know she’s not in the wilderness alone.  To those who have information enable them find strength to bare their burdens and bring peace to all.  

Danni, when you can’t breathe, exhale and know I’ll take your pain for 40 and give you this in its place.

Romans 12:9-21. “… Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need…”

Amen