Executive Presence is Being Present

Posted on by Emily Oehler2 Comments on Executive Presence is Being Present

When you look at my resume it appears as if I had a master plan. Each job logically building on the next. A natural progression of skill and opportunity. But of all the things I’ve planned in my life, my career has not been one of them. And it took me until this week to be able to articulate how it all came about and came together.

This past Thursday I spoke on executive presence to the Guidehouse Young Professionals Group. The presentation I reviewed with the group’s leaders on Tuesday was fine, they said so. It was a holistic look at executive presence because I wanted folks to understand that executive presence wasn’t the well-spoken, charismatic white male executive stereotype. Then, the week unfolded and I ended up modifying my presentation the morning of the event.

My first clue to adjust my presentation was the feedback from the event leaders. “Fine.” They said it made sense and they’d heard some of this before. “It would be good for the group.” OK, this moment spoke to my ego. Fine and good are not what I strive for, especially with public speaking. So, I sat with their feedback.

My next clue came the next day. A former teammate reached out and asked me to speak on a panel about “consulting mindset” to small business leaders. He shared some of their struggles and asked if I would share my experiences, techniques, and lessons learned. I thought about the times where consulting seemed easy for me, where I struggled, and my core truths that served me well time and time again. When the panel ended, I came back to “fine” and “good” and sat with it in context of how I felt after the panel a bit hopped up on happy work memories.

My final clue came through a friend’s LinkedIn post. I follow a few leadership coaches for their expertise, insights into my own coaching practice, and motivation, and K.C. is one of them. I met him over a year ago at the Mindful Leader Summit. He posted about the importance of being present as a leader and pointed out the obvious:  presence is in the phrase executive presence. After I read his brief post, I felt an inner oooooohh come over me, and I sat with it.

Each time I noticed, accepted and sat with a clue. I was present, open, and curious. I didn’t try to solve what I sensed, I just kinda swirled it around like wine in a glass. Observing. Savoring. Consuming.

The next day it was all there for me. The “fine” and “good” was gone. The inspiration appeared in its place. I spent about 30 minutes adjusting my presentation and then practiced it a few times. Yes! This was the vibe I wanted. This was the story I sought to share along with the tools to bring it to life so each person could create their own executive presence. And the chat comments, emojis, and post-session emails from the 260+ attendees confirmed the value and impact of my altered presentation.

I shared with the young professions that:

  • Executive presence is about bring present
  • To have presence you need to be clear on who you are and the value you bring… and most importantly what is missing if you’re not in the room
  • To be invited to the table (job, project, team, conversation) you need to articulate your innate talents and acquired skills, so folks know when to call you or how to advocate for you
  • You can define your brand (what you want to be known for) but those who experience your thinking, words, attitude, and work determine your brand, so show up consistently in all ways
  • Every meeting, email, product, or conversation is an opportunity to be present and practice
  • It’s important to be present in your own way, with the hair, attire, and words that gives you confidence … and always remember if you can share information in a way that your mom or grandmother understand, you nailed it
  • We’re all “young” each time we learn a new skill, accept a new opportunity, or work with a new client – the uncertainty is there, the eagerness is there, and the space to start anew and practice is there

I was AUDITORILY PRESENT when I interviewed senior executives and felt the tingle of “the” soundbite to use in national news story. I was CURIOUSLY PRESENT when I stood in an operating room as globally renowned international radiologists walked me through a live procedure answering my questions so that I could translate it all to help patients make more informed decisions. I was EMOTIONALLY PRESENT when I worked with families of the fallen and took in the stories of their loved ones. I was METICIOUSLY PRESENT when I proofread material going out by federal agencies to millions of Americans to connect them to much needed services and support. I was INTERPERSONALLY PRESENT when I got to know various military generals in order to ghost write for them in such a way an employee talked to me about how great a blogger one of them was, then shared my own words back to me written under another’s name.

As I sat with it all this week, I realized that my ability to be present in the moment – with people, with my skills, with confusion, with my gut, with excitement, with my apprehension – is what created the dynamic career I’m so proud of and awe of…. as I never could have envisioned it when I was 25.

This week reminded me that while setting goals is good, setting intention for how you show up is more powerful. Being present lets you notice more, think more, connect more, and do more. It puts all of you in the moment with others and that, that is true executive presence.

June 2023 Quote: All For The Love Of You

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As I set up my calendar for the month, I select a quote I’ve found that speaks to me. I write it in my planner and leave space below it to capture phrases I hear or read that speak to me and relate to the quote. I found this practice centers me throughout the month, and helps me be more present in my conversations, meetings, and readings. For June 2023 my quote was “all for the love of you.”  

I began this month with an introspective vibe for this quote. All up in my head as we introverts can be. I am grateful that I ended the month with an interpersonal perspective of these words. Here are quotes, lyics, and phrases that that caught my attention during the month:

  • Our fear is only darkness, which is the perfect test, contrast, and venue for our light
  • If not now, when?
  • Non-thinking reptilian brain
  • The mind chases while the heart grounds
  • A feisty blessing
  • Act on the knowledge you have until you have better knowledge
  • Don’t ignore the warning signs
  • Be ready to own your choices
  • Fuck comfort
  • Walk long enough and we all trade places
  • Ambition verses intention
  • You create what you allow
  • Meet what is, rather than what could be
  • What’s possible through me?
  • Never forget that justice is what love looks like in public
  • You’re ridiculously in charge
  • Relax into who I’ve always been
  • You don’t grow a plant by dipping it into dirt once a year, it needs to stay and grow roots
  • Prioritize the uniqueness that makes you you, and the invisible magnet that draws in other like-minded souls to dance in your orbit
  • The power of God powerfully moves between us unseen, only visible in the brief moments we are lighted – in those enlivened moments we know as love

There is research that shows what you think about helps you move to it—or attract it to you; perhaps it’s a bit of both. Well, this month, I felt the love.

My month kicked off with Day Breakers which I’d waited to do since learning about it during the COVID lockdown. I met a friend at the Kennedy Center’s outdoor park next to the Potomac River.  There, we joined more than 200 others, each wearing one color head to toe. I blue, she pink. Together we all looked like specs of a rainbow that has been scattered after a storm, reuniting to take full form again. We enjoyed one hour of yoga and then two hours dancing to a DJ. The yoga had me a bit worried as I hadn’t done any in 15 years. The practice was a graceful one – accepting what your body can do now rather than an aggressive stance of “do better.” At one point we came off our mats onto the grass to do a challenging pose balanced on one leg. The each person directed to put an arm around another’s shoulder. There we were, ring upon ring of people – in various colors – connected together. Steady as a collective verse wobbly alone.

The next weekend had me on the hill of my alma matter, Mary Baldwin College, for my 30th reunion. At first, the thought of my 30th reunion made me feel old, but I since realized that each decade, year, and moment of growing deserved a celebration … 30 years of a life well lived deserved gratitude for a place that transformed me. Three days with three besties sharing and laughing reminded me:

  • To cling to folks who get you
  • That our imaginations are not big enough for our potential
  • Silliness is good for the soul
  • Everyone is an artist in their own way

The weekend caused me to reflect on who I was when I was there – bold, bright eyed, and bushy tailed … who I am now, and who I want to continue to evolve into. The weekend brought me back to my core where I re-connected with spunk, creativity, confidence, wonder, forgiveness, and joy. Not that these had gone away, and more of a reminder that they are always with me and how easy it is to tap into them. Life had lodged them a bit deeper and now they were polished and prominent.

As I savored the celebration of my journey as an adult, I moved to the next weekend to celebrate the journey to come for my nephew as he graduated from high school. The energy in the room palpable. Hope and anticipation swirled in the air from the graduates and loved ones alike. Many conversations centered on “What are you doing next?” A question, I am learning with age and experience, that is dangerous and detrimental. It robs the person of the now, of the magic of being, of the possibilities they can’t imagine, and of the tiny voice in their soul that has ideas different than the norm. Perhaps at these milestone moments, the question could be “How would you like to be now?,” “What do you want to make sure the world has more of?,” or “What do you hope is in your life?” And, in case you’re wondering how we celebrated my nephew going off into his “next”… a family meal, axe throwing, and ice cream! They seemed to set the tone for life’s pending adventures.

The last weekend of the month ended at lunch with friends of 20+ years. The conversation different from chats over chips and salsas of days gone by. Work responsibilities, memory care units, and health issues – tempered with memories and long-standing jokes. Our waiter (whom we’ve followed to three restaurants) shared news about his colon cancer and successful surgery. Hugs by all.

I closed out my month with a thank you note. On Father’s Day, I received a truly empathic text from a long-time friend. She articulated things I had not and could not. I felt understood in a way that took me by surprise. Her words not only comforted but buoyed me. She didn’t try to fix anything or offer false platitudes. She acknowledged me. She saw me. She loved me. Several weeks later, I mailed her an “LGBTQILOVEU” card to close out Pride month. I expressed gratitude for her as best I could in hopes that she felt my acceptance as I had felt hers.

The month reminded me of all the ways love appears. The love of you as a person. The love of you as family. The love of you as friend. The love of you within community.

All for the love of you.

4 women hold banner with 1993 on it

Reunion Reflections

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I graduated from Mary Baldwin College, a small, liberal arts women’s college in the hilly Shenandoah Valley in Staunton, VA. That school, and the experiences, education, and friends that accompanied it, shaped me in every way – for which I’ll be eternally grateful. This past weekend, I once again stood on top of the hill. Looking out and within. Any time I’m on that hill, I feel grounded to the best version of me… my feet planted, connected to the roots of the legacy of women before and after me. There is a power current there that I immediately tap into.

The visit this weekend brought additional energy, that of my 30th class reunion. Here is what I took away from the weekend…

  • EMBRACE YOUR EXPERIENCES:  At first, my 30th reunion made me feel old, but I since realized that each decade, year, and moment of growth deserved a celebration … 30 years of a life well lived deserved gratitude for a place that transformed me
  • CLING TO FOLKS WHO “GET” YOU:  Friends who fully embrace you – your talents, your short comings, your fears, your goals, your quicks – are life altering magical unicorns you should spend as much time with as possible; the laugher alone is worth it
  • OUR IMAGINATIONS ARE NOT BIG ENOUGH FOR OUR POTENTIAL: My 21-year-old self could not envision all that lay ahead, it was too big for the container I put myself in … it’s important to get friendly with being uncomfortable in order to grow, and to surround yourself with folks who think big(ger) for you and with you
  • FUNCTIONAL FITNESS EQUALS FUN:  The Mary Baldwin University campus is on a massive hill that is literally covered with steps, and being able to easily go up/down multiple times a day made sure I didn’t miss any of the fun events or show up sweaty and panting
  • SILLINESS IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL: Just do the thing. Be present and give it all a try. You’ll laugh about it either way
  • EVERYONE IS AN ARTIST: This could be my liberal arts bias coming out, but 1.5 hours in a class painting resulted in 20 unique and equally fantastic paintings, and calmer people (pick up those crayons, your inner 5-year-old will thank you)
  • GIVE BACK: From mentoring, time, or money – everyone can give to help make their community better
  • VACATION MEANS TO NOT WORK: Take the time off to play, fully offline – it’s good for your soul

Finally, I reconfirmed my belief that WOMEN’S COLLEGE ALUMNEA ARE THE BEST. We are connected by a golden thread comprised of a passion for learning, thoughtful encouragement, passionate leadership, a collaborative spirit, and the ability to inject fun into anything. 

Go Fighting Squirrels!

May 2023 Quote: Meraki!

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As I set up my calendar for the month, I select a quote I’ve found that speaks to me. I write it in my planner and leave space below it to capture phrases I hear or read that speak to me and relate to the quote. I found this practice centers me throughout the month, and helps me be more present in my conversations, meetings, and readings. For May 2023 it was a word, not a quote that caught my attention, meraki.

Meraki means “doing something with soul, creativity, or love – when you put something of yourself into what you’re doing.” Here are quotes, lyics, and phrases that that caught my attention during the month:

  • You are the only one who can assign meaning to your life
  • Happiness is the feeling of contribution
  • Life is a series of moments, each called now
  • Allow the road ahead of you to speak louder than the one behind you
  • It was a real God-wink
  • A storm in a teacup
  • Unpack your backage and hide it in the attic
  • Lets dance in earnest in the moments of the here and now
  • We pray, practice, and invite in all the transformation we’ve been craving
  • Get out of your head
  • What does this situation call for?
  • I believe in kindness; also in mischief; also in singing—especially when singing is not necessarily prescribed
  • Don’t fight back, fight forward
  • We are not living our lives to satisfy others
  • We are all different and all equal
  • They need to get unstuck
  • Be in use to others
  • The courage to be normal
  • Your dreams have plans for you
  • Stand in your light
  • Collude for good
  • A little nonsense now and then is enjoyed by the wisest men
  • Patience is a form of faith
  • The life ahead of you is a blank page – and there are no tracks that have been laid for you to follow—there is no story there
  • As long as you are dancing, you will get somewhere
  • I am learning every day to allow the space between where I am and where I want to be to inspire me and not terrify me

More and more, I feel so much around me is increasingly serious, to the point of overwhelming paralysis. Friends face severe, complex, life-threatening illnesses. The loss of women’s health rights and targeted aggressions against various minority groups. Gun violence now so normalized that the death of school children is not the lead news story. National elected officials more focused on working against something or someone than working for the country, gone is common sense and collaboration. War around the word.

As more darkness seems to take hold, I feel the call to bring more light into any corner I can. More soul. More creativity. More love. More meraki.

My hope is that with more meraki I can shore up those in need, make dents in large bureaucratic issues, and help improve the community closest to me. Perhaps my meraki will spark meraki in others, creating a wave of connection built through laughter, meals, hugs, cards, art, kindness, conversation, and compassion.

As I snuck in meraki, it’s been fun to see it reverberate. Positive begets positivity. Meraki showed up when a teammate said, “I’m grateful because no one’s invested in my leadership before.” Meraki generated an invitation to join an upcoming Eid celebration. Meraki caused women to share their appreciation for a leader, earning her a significant award. Merekai brought connection during a 10 minute call to a college friend struggling. Meraki resulted in leaders tossing around a fluffy, stuffed acorn in laughter at a planning session. Meraki inspired me to paint my parent’s laundry room after 40 years. Meraki broke down the stigma of a layoff when executive women spoke candidly to a small group of peers. Meraki led to prayers said and cards sent to those I know and don’t suffering from loss and heartbreak. Meraki led me to donate to a black, female candidate. Meraki caused a discussion on shoes at work leading me to bust out my glittery Converse high tops for the offsite. Meraki showed up as enthusiastic emails from my high school English teacher.

More meraki!

statue of stone face on the ground in grass

I Nearly Broke My Introvert

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Whenever I share that I’m an introvert people are shocked. “But you easily talk in meetings.” “But you have such a great network.” “But you facilitate huge offsites.” I typically respond with a smile and share, “I’m an introvert raised by a flaming extroverted mother, so I know how to fake it.”

Many confuse introvert and shy… and I am anything but shy. A common definition of introvert is “a person who prefers calm environments, limits social engagements, or embraces greater than average preference for solitude.” I prefer a comparison definition that an introvert thinks in their head and loses energy in large groups; whereas extroverts think with their mouth and get charged up with each interpersonal interaction.

I can remember growing up and watching my parents after a big church function or wedding reception. Dad would go sit quietly to watch TV or read and might recall a deep conversation with 1-2 people at the event. Mom on the other hand was like Tigger, vibrant and vibrating, recounting chat after chat after chat she had with an endless number of people. Introvert. Extrovert.

I am grateful that in my first managerial role, members of my team took me aside and gave me feedback. They shared they were lost in meetings and couldn’t understand where my answers to the client came from. I was surprised as I thought they were all obvious answers. I explained how I collected things – nuggets of information, ideas, images – and constantly processed them in my head. What I realized from the discussion is that others didn’t do this, they needed to talk it out.

Introverted Leadership

As I moved up the corporate ladder, I also noticed what leader-type got recognized and rewarded: the verbal one. While I think this is an outdated leadership model, it’s the norm none the less. Through experience, I came to believe that if you’re at the table, you better be heard so you’re invited back… verbal participation = engaged participant.

But I’ve learned that working in an extroverted style for sustained periods of time has two big side effects. First, my extroverting and others, pushes out the space for introverts’ ideas that typically require more processing time. Second, I cannot sustain the cultural expectation of the extroverted, gregarious leader without significant recharge time which is nearly impossible with the increased number of online meetings through the pandemic and into a long-term hybrid work model.

Reset Tips

To help re-balance I:

  • Block time after complex meetings and facilitation to quietly process
  • Check with teammates to see if canceling a meeting would help them or share I need some down time
  • Include quite time in strategy or planning sessions to help introverts (and myself) catch our breath and formulate our thoughts
  • Have standing one-on-one meetings with other introverts with whom I have a deep connection and can simply be with, rather than host for
  • Do body scan meditation before a “big” meeting to see what I’m carrying in with me, how tense I am, or how frantic I feel and settle in to a calmer state
  • Seek opportunities for mindfulness such as offer for folks to take a few breaths before a meeting starts or share a joy from the week… or take a mindful walk after a complex week or have a Saturday of silence

So, to all my peer introverts, I feel you.

So, to all my extroverted peers – I feel you.

Here’s to being together in more solitude.

open book on a stack of books

Books – May 2023

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The Creative Act: A Way of Being by Rick Rubin

This new book caught my attention due to a 60 Minutes piece on music producer Rick Rubin. Rick produced much of the soundtrack of my youthful adventures to include Beastie Boys, LL Cool J, Jay Z, Metallica, Weezer, and The Chicks. I listened to this book, and his deep voice added a soothing meditative texture to the experience. I recommend you treat this book like a daily mindfulness practice. At first, I found the book odd as it didn’t follow the traditional model of ideas, stories, and data to explain and teach a concept. It’s more a series of mindful fortunes cookie one-liners. I stopped listening. I wasn’t ready for it. A week later I began again as I walked to Orange Theory Fitness at 5:45am in the cold dark. Quiet and open, I listened again. Oh, there it was – the space to hear. I wasn’t listening in the right way as this is written more like a daily meditation book than a self-help or educational book on creativity. Each “chapter” is 2- 10 minutes. You can listen to a few nuggets of mindful wisdom – from the source of creativity, nature as a teacher and self-doubt to rules, beginner’s mind, and momentum – then contemplate them quietly and start your day more centered and receptive to create. I found the book a calm reminder that we are each creative beings in our own way, and how simple it can be if we let it be.

The Burnout Challenge:  Managing People’s Relationships with Their Jobs by Christian Maslach and Michael Leiter

I picked this book up due to a recommendation by a friend and senior government official who posted it was something “every manger should read”… and I agree. The opening put a new perspective on burnout with a reference to the canary and the coal mine – do you blame the bird and keep getting new canary’s or do you fix the mine? To be honest, I had a hard time getting into the book and had to put it down. Not because it wasn’t good but because it pulled up past tension of being burnout from working in an unhealthy “mine” where I was also the wrong “canary.” It also caused me to reflect on a time when I became a frog in boiling water – I hadn’t known how much the “mine” had fallen into disrepair until I left. I found the book helpful because it offers a framework for how both the organization and the person can understand and address both sides of the burnout (system and individual):  workload, control, rewards, community, fairness, and values. The book also includes solutions and assessment tools. I found the book refreshing because it called out the blame and shame that exists around burnout – that organizations and their culture often make it about the person. That someone “can’t handle it” or roll out a free online yoga class, rather than taking a clear look at the work system (structure, processes, management, culture) and being accountable to the people who work there. The book also reaffirmed my belief that work is a collaboration or promise between the company and the person, and both need to show up equally… and a person always had a choice to leave. Staying an being a miserable martyr doesn’t help anyone.

Designing You New Work Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans

Since emerging from the COVID work disruption (uh, transformation), nearly every week I find myself in a conversation with someone who seeks to understand “what’s next” for them and their career. The discussions run from re-sparking their current job in a new structure or rethinking their current career trajectory to contemplating a major change. It seems many folks, myself included at times, have ended up “navigating with a compass that doesn’t actually belong to us” or “we love our work but don’t like our situation.” I mentioned these chats with Heather Jelks, a leadership coach, author, and neighbor, who recommended this book, so I picked it up. The book takes a design thinking approach to understand and create a job that is more meaningful. Each chapter starts with a “dysfunctional belief” and a “reframe” of it to open yourself to new thinking and possibilities. I think it could be a useful tool to help someone think about and breakdown their job into small pieces that are easier to address than the whole. I also like how the book is focused on action as “designers build their way forward.” As the authors wrote, “You need to know when to ask more questions and when to accept the data you’ve generated and commit to a path forward.” The authors give you information; provide tools to help you think and process it personally; and then share how to act on your findings. The book can help you understand what you’re looking for conceptually—as well as how to explore staying but in a new way, accepting “good enough for now,” leaving, or graduate school for a larger jump. I especially like their 3 daily questions to notice what is working at work:  What did I learn? What did I initiate? Who did I help?  Additionally, there is a section at the end that focuses on core things that changed in the workplace due to the pandemic and tips for being more successful in the new permanent remote/hybrid work environment.

Manifest Now by Idil Ahmed

Through my work with several coaches, I’ve begun to learn about and use manifestation. I quickly loaded this Audible-only book without reading much about it. While I was looking for more of a “what is manifestation and how does it work” book, this is more of “here is how to do it with lots of phrases you can use” book. I liked how the author wrote to aspects of your life (work, relationship, health, money) in each chapter and provided starter manifestation statements for that part of your life. While I liked listening to it – hearing her read a statement and say it back in my head – I got lost a bit in the endless options of phrases, one after another. Whereas with a paper book I could mark up a statement I like and go back to it or try one on and go back and choose another. So, all in all it’s a good book to help you get started and fill your head with lots of positive thoughts.  

Happy reading.

Tree bark with green moss

April 2023 Quote: “Tending to the Emerging Story of Your Life”

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As I set up my calendar for the month, I select a quote I’ve found that speaks to me. I write it in my planner and leave space below it to capture phrases I hear or read that speak to me and relate to the quote. I found this practice centers me throughout the month, and helps me be more present in my conversations, meetings, and readings. For April 2023 the quote was, “How are You Tending to the Emerging Story of Your Life.”

I regularly have conversations with folks about careers. From new graduates with informative interviews and coworkers about their next move to Veterans starting over outside of the military. I love these chats because everyone has an interesting story. I feel honored when they share their journey and trust me with their career dream. Here are a few chats I had in the past two weeks:

  • I spoke to a recent college graduate who shared near the end of our all that two men she had informative interviews with told her to “shrink herself” to get into a company. I don’t remember which expletive I shouted before I caught my composure and explained the lasting damage I’d seen from others through that approach. Finally asking, “Do you want to spend your time a tiny version of yourself?”  
  • I listened to a friend talk through the choice of job security with a demotion or opportunity of a 12-week severance package as her division was eliminated as a result of a corporate powerplay. I loved how throughout the call she came back to her value, not letting the situation diminish her expertise, gifts, and track record. Following the call, I sent her a draft vision of what I heard her define as her career future which included, “I offer bold ideas, share my passion, and get results in creative ways that are respected and recognized.”
  • I was part of lively discussion with 5 corporate executives about the concept of “take your whole self to work.” For some a resounding no, and others cautious optimism that the future of work would be more inclusive and welcoming. I shared that I think of it like an internal stereo equalizer – sometimes my total volume is on high across the board and other times I dial a part of me back for a specific situation. Post call, I reflected on what and who helped me gain more security in how much of myself I reveal…and that I stand by my dislike of this phrase, and would prefer “be yourself at work.”

Quotes that Caught My Attention

  • Time is sacred
  • Shadows are mistaken for the truth
  • Happiness, love, and peace are in inside job
  • Conscious creator
  • Be somebody’s peace – mainly yours
  • It started in your head and came of your soul
  • Let go and allow
  • Be at ease
  • Trust love, that’s pretty much it – expect maybe each more chocolate
  • I am
  • Own your greatness
  • There is more to see that what you found
  • Follow your inner wisdom
  • The fertile betwixt and between
  • Our unlimited, all-powerful potential; The inexhaustible battery of joy and bliss each of us can tap through practice
  • Abandon all plans
  • Creativity is intelligence having fun
  • You are a powerful being
  • Move in the midst of fear
  • Run to the unknown
  • My attention is my power
  • Line up together people, all of us, seek knowledge and love others
  • All of us breathe more deeply out in the unknown; maybe because we have no other choice
  • Words are spells go weave magic
  • Faith is between the dots
  • Let go gracefully
  • Go do the damn thing

Your Story Line

But our story is more than work. Often to help groups get to know each other I have them do a timeline activity. On the left side of a horizontal line “start” and on the right, “now.” Above the line folks write meaningful moments in their personal life and below the line ones that are career related. Then we all share. Each person’s story seems to have love, loss, and triumph, plus a side of surprise.

Each time I do this, there are subtle tweaks but always a sense of “yep, that’s me” when I finish. Seeing my story in such a simple way helps me reconnect with the core of who I am – not the veneer easily adjusted for a group or situation. Seeing markers for each chapter of my story – the environment, emotions, people, crisis, impact, and accomplishments – grounds me. It also fills me with gratitude. I see a story bigger than today and that is both humbling and empowering.

What I plan to start adding to this activity is a dotted line from “now” to “next.” It’s important to realize that what is written is part of you, but not all of you. Perhaps the professional story is robust but personal is thin? What if you are missing some of your favorite “characters” in your story? Maybe the memorable moments were good, but you’ve outgrown them and want more or different? What if a moment changed you to the core?

That’s the magic of our story – it’s ours. Ours to enjoy. Ours to dream. Ours to write.

trees with yellow leaves by a creek

Next…

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Brene Brown shared the concept to “paint done” as a manager or leader. This means not just saying make X by Y date, but rather paint a clear picture of what success looks like for the work and at a minimum what is required to be in the finished product. Another way of looking at this concept is her phrase, “clear is kind; unclear in unkind.”

Recently, I began to apply that concept to my life, and especially my career thanks to my work with Coach Maddie. She helped me understand and use the tool of manifestation. While I knew the term, I didn’t connect to it. It’s creating a clear picture of how you want things to be in your life. You can “paint done” for your life with a thoughtful written statement, through a vision board of pictures, or with a vivid mental picture. Being clear on what you want, how you’ll feel, what you leave behind shifts your brain – “painting done” for your life enables your brain to start to work on solving for it and helps you take action to get it. And yes, action is required.

Working with Maddie I created a future state – what I would see, have, experience next in my life. It was a simple paragraph comprised of short sentences a kindergartner would write. It mentioned work, relationships, and emotions – a 360 of me. I read it before and after bed, to end and start my day. Easy peasy. Then eerie, cool, and specific things took shape that clearly connected to my vision. So many in 10 days that I began to write them all down to help process it all. It was quickly clear to me that reality starts with intentions from your heart and ideas in your head. Thinking put energy into motion. Wild! 

To help me continue to paint done with my life, I pulled together questions from books, trainings, and conversations to help me build a robust image: 

  • What is your tennis ball? What do you repeatedly chase after with joy?
  • What would fully doing this look like?
  • What impact do you want to have in/on the world?
  • What do most people come to you for?
  • What would you like to stop doing?
  • When do you feel powerful?
  • How would you like to be seen or acknowledged?
  • Where do you feel passionate, free, or energized?
  • What do you want?
  • What are you ready / not ready to change?
  • Imagine your issue is resolved, how did you get there?
  • What’s the easy way forward from here?
  • What emotion do you want more of in your life?
  • When you look around who is with you?
  • What haven’t you admitted out loud yet?
  • Who do you have to be?
  • Imagine it’s already done, tell me about it?
  • What do you notice about your body?
  • I’m allowing myself _______________.
  • Describe a day of success.
  • What’s in my way?
  • How will others feel after they engage with you and your brand?
  • Who are your partners?
  • List 6 things that would be on your calendar in the future that would excite you?
  • If you don’t, what would be missing in the world?

What I find most exciting as I envision my future defined through carefully selected words, images, and desired emotions, is that I own it. And, because I created it, I can change it. I can try my vision on, see how it fits, identify what’s missing, and modify something. It can evolve as I do.

I look forward to seeing what you think of next.

People meeting around a table with computers

Better Meetings, Better Well-Being

Posted on by Emily OehlerLeave a Comment on Better Meetings, Better Well-Being

I recently read the U.S. Surgeon General’s first-ever report on workplace well-being. The elegantly simple but thorough report gave context, human needs, and key components for five areas: protection from harm, connection and community, work-life harmony, mattering at work, and opportunity for growth. As I scrolled through the report, I saw several common issues that come up in my coaching and organizational culture work. What came to mind in every section was how meetings touch each of the five areas, for better or worse.

Meetings stay on my mind as I spend nearly 70% of every workday in them. Additionally, I’m a facilitator who works hard to deliver meaningful experiences and outcomes when groups come together to think about and work on complex problem and big goals.

I constantly struggle to find (make) time to dig in on an issue, have open time to creatively think, or just be able to process information from one meeting before I enter the next one. I try to be mindful of my calendar – time for emails, time for recurring work, time for lunch, time to reflect after facilitating. Yet, I cannot seem to work around the sheer volume of meetings.

I attribute the spike in meetings to three things: (1) poor leader/organization communications, (2) the need for many executives to “see” their staff because they didn’t change their management approach with a remote work model – which is connected to trust, (3) the misapplication of agile scrum techniques, from a focus on productivity and work realignment to manager oversight and accountability.

Meetings & Well-Being

What began as a response to the COVID pandemic and the overnight flip to a remote work force, is now a mindless habit of meetings and more meetings. It’s time to get intentional. I think a commitment to better meetings – more intentional meetings – can support each factor of workplace well-being called out by the Surgeon General. For example:

  • Protection from harm:  Do you have meeting norms in place (and enforce them) to support open dialogue and belonging, rather than the oldest, most senior, or loudest person dominate? Do you have meetings that support different adult learning styles and neurodivergent thinkers? Are you clear about on/off camera and why? (Note: one friend set a “faceless Friday” norm and some quite hours on Friday as a why to help folks close out the week and prepare for the following one)
  • Connection and community:  Do you have dedicated time within meetings to simply “be human” and talk about life… or simply have a meeting to foster connection? Do you offer walking meetings – either in person or virtual where employees can get outside to share updates?
  • Work-life harmony: Do you have meeting-free time within your week or month for the entire team? Do you or your company constantly hold meetings 11:30-1 which prevents time to separate from work and eat lunch or take a mindful moment to recharge? Do you have a common approach to meetings (see below)?
  • Mattering at work: Do you have a habit of recognition in your meetings… how do you give kudos or provide space for team members to give gratitude to another person?
  • Opportunity for growth: As a leader, are you being transparent with your work – and sharing teachable moments about what you’re handling, why, and how—and the lessons you learned? Do you let various members of the team design and lead a meeting, or rotate facilitation for a standing meeting? Do you set aside time for “learning meetings” when an employee can spotlight new findings, helpful habits, or an interesting article or podcast?

Improve Meetings

A good meeting requires time for the host (meeting organizer) to create. If you hold meetings where you just show up cold turkey as host, it’s time to rethink things because you’re probably wasting time, losing value, and alienating your team.

  • Review your organization’s or divisions meeting’s:  How many meetings are conducted a week and a month? How are standing meetings – and what is the % of the workforce’s day? What is the cost of each meeting (e.g., each person’s hourly rate x number of attendees… if you don’t know this just use $150 per person)? What is the value of each meeting – how can you show it was worth the cost in terms of what it generated (e.g., knowledge, quality, creativity, strategy, efficiency, innovation, community)? How satisfied are attendees with the meeting, or how beneficial do they rate them (e.g., ability to do job, increased productivity, connection)? How many attendees multi-task during the meeting?
  • Set meeting standards: To get the most of meetings, consider what is needed to help attendees generate and receive value. Did you put the purpose of the meeting in the invite, and clearly articulate what will be accomplished by the end of the call/session? Did you include pertinent background information in the meeting invite? Did you attach all essential information several days before the meeting, and did you also block attendee’s calendar to read the materials, so they come prepared to engage?  Did you set the right amount of time for the team’s work and provide a realistic timed agenda in the meeting invite (note: most folks misjudge time by a deficit of 25%)? Did you send out a summary that same day with actions for whom and by when, decisions made, core topics discussed, and next steps – that can be read in 5 minutes?
  • Teach meeting design and management:  It’s important for all employees to know how to create and run a meeting – it’s both a skill and an art. Make sure folks are clear on what type of meeting is needed for the issue at hand: plan (assign roles, “define done,” set deadlines); sync (coordinate across a team on where things are in a complex integrated initiative); collaborate (work on a specific issues as a team or cross train); strategy (explore future, brainstorm); out-brief (provide status to executive/project lead); or connection (time for team to celebrate, recognize outcomes, or get together a humans)—and label them as such in the invite. Help folks understand how to put together a timed agenda that builds connection, elevates all voices, and creates outcomes. Teach basic facilitation skills to help team members create a safe space for hard conversations, as well as fun. And don’t forget how to integrate technology into meetings – music, chat, collaboration tools.

Here’s to better meetings filled with engaged staff and meaningful conversations, as well as more white space on our calendars … I feel better just thinking about it.

Emily Oehler at 6

Possibility

Posted on by Emily Oehler1 Comment on Possibility

At the time, I wasn’t sure why I did it. The idea just popped in my head. A few clicks and it was done. I posted a new Facebook profile picture of me at about 6 years old. A classic school photo that somehow captured possibility.

Each time I opened the app, that possibility – my possibility – greeted me with a pure smile. It was like looking in a mirror seeing something I’d forgotten and wanted to know again. A mix of “bright-eyed and bushy tailed,” giddiness, and fierceness. A grounded purity fueled by boundless energy, love, and curiosity. There was a welcoming openness on my face that gave me peace and cause a smile.

It wasn’t until I chatted with friend and mindfulness mentor Cole Baker-Bagwell that I made the connection. I mentioned what I did – laughing at the silliness of it. Her response, “That’s it, that’s mindfulness!” felt like a gong going off in my soul. A long, “hmmmmmmm.”

She helped me understand the connection between a thought that emerged, my attention to it, and its impact on me. That by being in the moment I could embrace what I called out for at an emotional, intuitive level. That that space between quirky idea and action is the space of mindfulness, and as I think about it, magic. Though she’s quick to explain how it’s more biology than magic. That this is the result of neural pathways in action – the connection of science and soul.

When I put the photo up I set it for 2 weeks… I’m now back to my adult identity. I happy to share though that I feel like a lost piece of me is back. Being face to face with Emily version 1.0 was refreshing. Both grounding and empowering. While I reconnected to possibility, I also basked in my accomplishments, most of which would have been too big for that little girl to imagine. From where I started to where I am – I can now more clearly see my path of serendipity. A path lined with golden acorns… love, education, intuition, work, lessons learned, joy, missteps, friendship, trepidation, and faith.

Now, reconnected with my travel buddy, I’m eager for what lies ahead on my path and excited to live up to her boldness. Now, I have to rethink what’s possible.

Hmmmmmmmm.