As I set up my calendar for the month, I select a quote I’ve found that speaks to me. I write it in my planner and leave space below it to capture phrases I hear or read that speak to me and relate to the quote. I found this practice centers me throughout the month, and helps me be more present in my conversations, meetings, and readings. For September 2024, the quote that centered me was “stay fully wild, star child.”

November is many things. The unofficial start of the holiday season. A month centered on gratitude and decadent food. But for me, it’s mom’s birthday month. For those who don’t know her she is a 5’2” red-headed force for good. A preacher’s wife who hugs everyone, dances as the mood strikes, dishes out delicious southern food, lives as a faithful Presbyterian, enjoys adventures, has a competitive streak, is quick to laugh, and is surrogate mom to many. And, she embodies my quote this month.

Here are quotes, lyrics, and phrases that that caught my attention during the month…

• What is the work your soul must have?
• Stillness is another door into the temple
• Taste your words before you spit them out
• Silence is a massage for the soul
• Don’t ever believe we are thinking machines who have feelings – we are feeling machines who on occasion think
• You pick who disturbs you
• Love loud and shine bright
• Grieve the past and the present, but don’t grieve the future—we’re not there yet
• You threw dirt on me and flowers grew; I’d be mad too
• Worrying is like worshiping the problem
• Time is available to live in
• Silence is a symphony of truth
• I go in search of a great perhaps
• Scapitude: a combination of scappiness and fire in the belly that gets shit done
• Beautiful means “most self”
• Evermore

Respite Adventures…

In the weeks after my father death from Alzheimer’s, mom and I stood side by side in the kitchen and erased his upcoming appointments from the family calendar. The months suddenly looked overwhelmingly open. What remained was the standing Thursday calendar block for respite, when she’d take Dad to a wonderful half-day program for fellowship, and she had a break. In the moment, I offered, “Let’s keep respite on the calendar so we focus on fun.” She quickly agreed with a sparkle in her Carolina blue eyes.

For four months, our respite adventures together were weekly as I stayed with her as we both shifted from the loss of her sun and my moon. As I merged back into life and work, we connected each month for joint respite. For those not familiar with respite, it’s defined as, “a short period of rest or relief from something difficult or unpleasant.” For full-time caregivers it’s essential, and I’ve come to believe critical to everyone as we move through the complexities of life.

For 10 months, Mom and I have respited in a variety wild of ways – big and small. We ate (all the biscuits), drank (an Old Fashion everywhere we respite), played, laughed, and cried with each adventure. Indoor skydiving, lunar moments (beach sunrise, solar eclipse watching), star gazing,  Cheerwine festival, fried local oysters, shoe shopping, flamingo feeding, artistic painting, pedicures, movies, Swan Lake ballet, the oldest saloon in Texas, her first Uber (a Tesla with rainbow interior lights), our first Airbnb, fondue, Van Gough immersive experience, climbing Pilot Mountain, and plenty of ice cream  – just to name a few of our respite adventures.

These adventures soothed my soul and generated incredible memories. But the best part is to be in mom’s presence, fully wild as a star child. She remains curious, eager to learn. She literally stops and smells all the flowers and communes with the birds – my own Snow White. She is truly with people she meets – open, sincere, supportive – friend and stranger alike. Simply put, she lives with her heart.

And…

Our respite adventures have not been all joy-filled as grief now resides in our bones. But with a focus on rejuvenation, we learned to live together in a space of “and.” Laughter and tears. Delight of new memories and ache from old ones. Action and stillness. Anticipation and sadness. Moving forward and looking back.

And, the understanding that love exists in it all.