As I set up my calendar for the month, I select a quote I’ve found that speaks to me. I write it in my planner and leave space below it to capture phrases I hear or read that speak to me and relate to the quote. I found this practice centers me throughout the month, and helps me be more present in my conversations, meetings, and readings. For January 2025 my quote was: “I believe in wonderment.”
One year ago, I wrote in my January quote post that “I saw the beauty of the end of something done amazingly well” in regard to the end of my father’s life after a decade with Alzheimer’s. In the 12 month’s sense, wonderment just might be the best word to encapsulate it all, especially grief. As Meriam-Webster’s defines wonderment as “a cause or occasion for wonder (marvel, miracle, rapt attention, a feeling of doubt or uncertainty), astonishment, surprise, curiosity about something.” Throughout this past month here are the quotes, lyrics, and phrases that that caught my attention:
- There is no greater adventure than the present moment
- The fierce urgency of now
- With hope comes resilience and with resilience came new beginnings
- Mavin, misfit, and muse
- Turn it over and turn it over, and see everything in it
- Who are you to deny God’s perfection and possibility?
- Doubt is the space between good and evil
- Courage to love with a rigorous inside-out consistency
- Mystery and manifest come from the same source, darkness
- To be faithful to take the next step; to rely on more than the map; to heed the signposts of intuition and dream; to follow the star that only you recognize
- How much love? All the love
- Because a broken heart is easier to share
- What are you going to do with all that dark? Find a way to glow in it
- Seek that which is best for another person
- It’s like studying for the test instead of learning the lesson
- I am steady
I learned a lot throughout my “year of firsts” (a grief phrase to capture going through one of everything without your loved one). And, there is much I’m still processing, and will be for a while, as the pain of love and our unknown next are big things to try to come to grips with. It’s like looking in a room of mirrors and seeing your reflection continue on and on and on and on and on with no end.
My Core Truths for Grief
For me, the mixture of loss, love, and wonderment led me to these core truths about grief:
(1) God will show up, always, but not as you anticipated or wanted – but as you needed … and the same is true for your dead loved one.
(2) The emotions of grief are like a squirrel that’s been day drinking – all over the place – but let them come and go as they need as they can be vicious when bottled up.
(3) While grief is personal, it should be done in community, whether that is a formal group or with friends and loved ones.
(4) There is much laughter to be had in grief and it’s not only OK, it’s good.
(5) Grief resides in your bones forever – it changes your spiritual DNA – but the love remains in your heart, always accessible.
As I completed my end of “the firsts,” I chose to begin my next year focused on wonderment. I’d experienced a great deal of wonderment (astonishment, surprise, curiosity) throughout each milestone in 2024, and I wanted more of this electrical charge in 2025. This connection to the energy of life and the golden thread beyond. Just hopefully without so many moments of snot nosed tears.
