I stood there. 

Feet planted.
Shoulders back.
Spine straight.

Still, in the frenzy of those around me.

Breathe. Listen.

There I was in the midst of 37,000+ people in Fenway Park. Surrounded alone.

See. Feel.

I recognized the panic in my head and the twinge in my stomach… but I stood planted accepting of the inevitable.

The first tear ran down my cheek. Then the next one fell.

I let them come. No wiping. No concealing.

Grief found me again, swelling, releasing, and consuming.

I stood planted, and let it move me and move through me.

I then leaned into the moment and the music that stirred my sole, and joined Foo Fighters’ Dave Grohl sing “Under You” – written after the death of their drummer Taylor Hawkins.

“I woke up and walked a million miles today. I’ve been looking up and down for you. All this time, it still feels just like yesterday. That I walked a million miles with you.

Over it. Think I’m getting over it. There’s no getting over it.

There are times that I need someone. There are times I feel like no one. Sometimes I just don’t know what to do. There are days I can’t remember. There are days that last forever. Someday I’ll come out from under you.

Someone said I’ll never see your face again. Part of me just can’t believe it’s true. Pictures of us sharing songs and cigarettes. This is how I’ll always picture you.”

My brain lost in the moment, the music, my memories.

Drowned out by the speakers. My heart singing loudly, a declaration.

“Over it.
Think I’m getting over it.
There’s no getting over it.
There are times that I need someone.
There are times I feel like no one.
Sometimes I just don’t know what to do.
There are days I can’t remember.
There are days that last forever.
Someday I’ll come out from under you.”

Each tear a release.

… Dad loved music… listening, playing, singing—feeling it.

… Dad loved his friends… there I stood next to a bestie who brought me here as a gift of replenishment—feeling it.

… Dad loved to provide comfort to those in need… as I looked out I saw the connection of all these people, each one with a personal loss as they sang—feeling it.

… Dad loved to play… this trip had been filled with fun adventures as we “had the journey that was meant to be”—feeling it.

I stood planted. Tears fell. Words sung. Emotions felt. Gratitude given.

Because as the Foo Fighters later sang that night — and I with them smiling…

“…I’m a wild light, blinding bright, burnin’ off and on.
It’s times like these you learn to live again.
It’s times like these you give and give again.
It’s times like these you learn to love again.
It’s times like these, time and time again.

I, I’m a new day rising.
I’m a brand-new sky to hang the stars upon tonight.
I, I’m a little divided.
Do I stay or run away and leave it all behind?

It’s times like these you learn to live again.
It’s times like these you give and give again.
It’s times like these you learn to love again.
It’s times like these, time and time again.”